Alien Blueprint

I plan on updating soon. getting back into the rhythym of things, and back to livejournal (mostly reading, commenting). First, a beautiful Rumi quote I came across in my reading:

Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing,
there is a field. I'll meet you there.

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" doesn't make any sense.

I can hardly believe it's been 2 months since I wrote anything in here! Lots of good going on between now and then, so I guess it's time for an update.

I started working at Goodwill in June, and to say I enjoy my job would be an understatement. I am having a great time working there. Something about their mission makes it easier to get through all the usual drama that occurs in any retail establishment (and for sure there is no shortage here). My coworkers are great and the customers (for the most part) really keep it interesting. I never thought I would enjoy returning to retail, but I guess it's all in your attitude as well as your employers. The big difference I see is that Goodwill really takes care of their workers and wants them to succeed. Not sure I can say the same for other places I have worked (which shall remain nameless)! I am starting to get back into somewhat of a routine. My work schedule has interfered with some of the things I was doing with the church, but that actually helped me decide not to limit my spiritual exploration to one church or religion at this point in time. I have been reading a journal of a friend of mine who is in New Zealand, and his experiences there have sparked an interest in at least examining other practices. It's just something that has started brewing in my head, so I'll have to get back to you on this one. I just have so many friends who are spiritually different and I am eager to learn.

I  have to add that I still volunteer at Unity once a month, and maintain a relationship with that church. I have already given up the Monday night Reiki for scheduling and reasons I'd rather not discuss, so hopefully that one request will stand. I have a coworker who doesn't work Sundays and the other who will be leaving in October, so I am a little wary about it. However I am not going to knock whatever hours they can give me at this point, since many are seeing theirs cut and (according to what I have heard) the ones who work really hard are the ones that have been able to keep theirs. I'm going to assume since I am still at full time they think I'm working hard :) I sure feel like I am!

In fact, I think I am at a point where I am feeling physically, mentally and spiritually balanced. I have started paying attention to myself in all three departments and it is paying off. I have eliminated most bad things from my diet (oh but the sodas..my weakness!) and it's starting to show in the way I look and feel. I workout almost daily these days too. I have gotten a little off track with meditation though, as I am not as available to go the weekly sessions at  church because of work. I try to make up for it at home though. The happiness I have found comes from a real change in perspective brought on by a lot of things, but I can say the loss of job and gains in spirituality have helped. The things that I desire and that make me happy are a lot different. I am really content these days when I sit out her on this balcony with my cats and either meditate or read or browse the web. It is a good place to be. I have overcome a lot of things to get to where I am and dadgumit, I'm pretty happy I made it through. Having things like that to reflect upon has made all the difference in the world.

I'm sitting out on the porch with some tea (yum!) and it is already 81 degrees! It is beautiful out, and I am thankful for the huge tree right outside our balcony. The cats are too!

I really enjoy peaceful mornings like this. Matt is still asleep (he worked OT yesterday so I think he deserves some extra rest) and the cats are sitting in the windows, probably despising me for keeping them away from all of the swallows hanging out on the various people's railings.

I need to rekindle my passion for birds. It's one of the few that lingered from childhood. That and photography. I was better at the bird thing though..

Almost time to get ready for church. Have a wonderful Sunday!

Today I went to workout at the gym again. I did my fitness assessment. I wanted to have a place to gauge my progress. The trainer tried to sell me on the need for personal training, but, having succeeded on my own before, I passed. Acccording to their charts I am borderline acceptable/overweight. I take only a little stock in that, because if I focus too much on arbitrary categories, I may lose my focus. There are so many different gauges of what is overweight or not. I just told her I want to lose inches and feel healthy. If I can fit into my grad school jeans again, that would be a welcome bonus. We did some workouts so she could see where I am at and she scheduled another check in in a month. I am sure this is just to try and show me my progress would be greater if I paid excessive amounts of money to have her assistance. I know this is how they make a living, but I told her it's not for me right now. I should have said "I have never and probably will never be interested" but maybe I'm too nice.

So I went ahead and did the water aerobics class that followed. This one was a bit more intense than Monday's, and I liked it a lot. I ran into M again and we chatted in the hot tub. She noticed my cross and asked why I preferred to wear a celtic one. I explained my love for all things celtic, and how it ran in my blood on my dad's side. Somehow we got on the topic of spirituality. I don't mind talking about what turned me to it, Iit's part of who I am and nothing to be ashamed of. It was a nice conversation until I mentioned "yeah I go to Unity Church over here" I almost wish I hadn't mentioned it. She proceeded to tell me how wrong that path was and how Unity and other churches like it contributed to the fact that we are in ther last days. I was a bit shocked. I didn't expect to hear stuff like that I guess. I told her that it really worked for me and the inclusiveness of my church was what helped me get in touch with my spirituality again. She told me I needed to find the "true path." :::sigh:::: She told me about a groups she was in and when we got to the locker room she gave me her card. I took it, but I don't really see myself going. I  just didn't feel at all comfortable about the idea after all of that.  I think I handled it pretty well. I was pretty firm that Unity was right for me and the reason for a lot of the good things happening in my life. I listened to what she had to say, not agreeing with it, but knowing that she meant well.

I just haven't really encountered such opposition, other than my friends and family who oppose religion in general, but they never really made any negative comments about my choice. So, you learn something new everyday. I learned how to handle it, at least a little bit. Still working on it though.

Other than that, today was productive. I worked out, went to one of my classes, cooked a yummy dinner for Matt, went to meditation, our church's AA group and then our new prayer group. I am bushed!

The album name of a Bryan Adams CD as my title? Well, I'm kind of getting tired of looking at {no subject} so I just came up with something, anything! But I guess you could say that about my week up to now - so far so good. Sunday was interesting. It was my morning to volunteer in Sunday School and I had a great time. During Godly Play I listened to the Youth Minister tell the story and this was actually the first time the children were attentive and somewhat quiet. I really enjoy the format. She tells the story using some materials that people have made for her (hey - I did some of that !) and then asks some interesting questions lik e"I wonder what you thought of the story?" and "I wonder what could be left out of the story and have it still make sense" or "Who is XXXX and what does XXXX represent?" What I like about that is that all of the answers are correct. She never says "correct" or '' wrong" - everyone is right. Whatever is right for them is right for them. So, it was enlightening.

Afterwards I volunteered to babysit for some parents while a workshop went on in the fellowship hall. This was an enlkightening experience as well. It's been a long time since I babysat anyone, and I have never babysat a child with Down's syndrome. I was a little nervous, but when his parents talked to me and let me know what to expect I felt better. They brought his favorite toy from home and that was what helped me connect with him. It also helped that he only signs, so we were able to communicate that way as well. My sign is rusty at best, so I am determined to dig out my tapes and brush up. he likes to move things and open doors, but they latched the doors so he couldn't get out during that time and moved most of the furniture to another room. He did find some things to move, but it didn't bother me or the other kids, so I just kept an eye on him and when it got too noisy I asked him to put the stuff back and he did. The other kids were great too. i had gone to Goodwill and bought a TV and DVD player for the kids since they didn't have one at the church and it worked wonders. We watched Emperor's New Groove and this proved to be a good idea. I was able to focus a little more on B (the special needs child) while they were otherwise occupied.

All in all a good experience. I was surprised how much patience I had. I used to snap pretty easily.

Yesterday was nice as well. I returned to the gym for the first time in a while. I mean, they gave me such a discounted rate, I need to take advantage of it. I did the morning water aerobics and loved it. After my experience with morning classes at my other gym, I was a little hesitant. Morning classes are typically filled with older patrons, and I was let know not so subtley at my other gym that "spring chickens" ought not interfere with their workout.  II felt that vibe when I got in, but after one of the ladies struck up a conversation with me during class I loosened up and everyone else didn't seem to mind me being there. I will call her M. She remarked about my sunburn (still there) and somehow we got to talking about why I was there all of a sudden. I told her my plans to get bck into working out and how a previous foot injury had been bugging me, so I was playing it safe by doing the water aerobics instead of the floor kind. This struck a chord and we became fast friends and even chatted in the hot tub afterwards. "I am here Mondays and Wednesdays, either morning or evening, I hope to see you here as well!" How nice! That is the plan for me as well, depending on work schedules and whatnot.

So all in all yes, so far so good. I am enjoying time at home not job hunting and I cannot wait to get back to work.

Recently I signed up for a course in IV Preperation and Compounding so that I can get a national certification and thus increase my chances of getting a hospital job. When I signed up I realized that it is a distance learning course with labs (thus making a part time, flexible job with Goodwill all the more appealing). What I didn't anticipate was the difficulty of navigating the course online and the amount of math review I would have to do to get back up to snuff (some of it I haven't seen since I took the PTCB in 1999!). I purchased the textbook and decided it might be a good idea to get the math workbook from the prerequisite class I didn't have to take (because I am already certified). This turned out to be a good idea.

After emailing the professor Monday, I received no response. I discovered that it was because ACC requires students to use their new GMail system. Another email address..really? Ok, so I set that up. I emailed her again..and I still have not received a response. I decided maybe it was going to be on Blackboard and found the ACC link to it and logged in. Good guess. When you try to navigate the site though, there are assignments and quizzes labeled from last spring, in duplicate and not necessarily in order. Her announcement and the syllabus assignment dates do not match and some of the quiz headings are from other classes. I am hoping that my assumptions are correct and I get all the right work in tomorrow during our first lab. I checked the assignment (#1) last night - just a quick glance - and came back tonight to find that it was timed and had started when I clicked it last night!  I went ahead and finished it for a grade. 25 hours! (supposed to be done in 1) I hope the professor understands my mistake and won't hold it against me. I wonder if she has noticed how disorganized the site is right now? I wish I had some screen cap software, I would show you and get your opinion. Heck, i might show her, but at the moment I am unsure she is even checking her emails.

So I did assignment #1 which is due this week, but her announcement says do assignment #1 & 2 by tomorrow, and the syllabus says #2 isn't due until next week. I also did quiz #1 in case she meant that. I went to start quiz #2 but it is for course number 1449 (which doesn't exist in the catalog).

So I gave up on that. I went ahead and started reviewing things in the extra pharmacy math workbook I bought. I ended up doing 57 pages of review, and I am not even in the meaty stuff. I think I will continue doing a bit of that each day to buck up on my conversions and all that. Those will be essential for this course.

I need to do the orientation assignment, but I think I will do that in the morning. I am too frustrated from the chaos of trying to get the right things done for the first lab. I sure wish she had emailed me back. Good thing I have done online classes before or I may never have figured it out! Well, if in fact I actually did! ;)

So I decided on some new goals for myself recently. As most of you know I am in recovery from alcohol addiction. In fact TODAY IS 90 DAYS! Woo hoo! It has been hard, but I have found one or two thoughts that set me straight when I think of drinking or begin to have a desire to drink. Basically, I think of all the harm alcohol has done and all of the good things I enjoy when I am sober. I am still on a long road, and my body is still on the mend. I am doing a "do it yourself" detox to help with all that. Mostly drinking lots of water and juice. I still eat (not a fasting detox in other words), but trying to keep it on the healthy side. I am begining to appreciate my body for what it is and I really don't want to damage it more than I have. My doctor is going to order up some blood work so we can check on some things, but overall I feel great!

So there is my overall goal - get my body back into shape. This will consist of eating and drinking healthy foods and drinks (sorry, but while I will curb the diet soda, I have to have one caffeine fix!) and working out. I have decided to try and start slowly on that. I tend to try and jump in head first on that, but gonna try not to this time around. I want to lose weight and get in (slim) shape, not bulk up on the muscles like I usually do. My ultimate goal isn't pounds, but inches. if I can fit into my grad school jeans comfortably, I will be happy.

I have also decided to set another couple of goals as far as fitness is concerned. Right now I am sticking with walking/running and going to start some swimming soon. I have decided the next step will be to get into shape for a 5k. I have chosen one in late September to do. i think that is a reasonable amount of time to train for the first one. Well, the next first one ;). After I finish that 5k, I wil do others I hope, and eventually, maybe in 2 years, do a triathalon. Not the Ironman or anything, maybe a sprint (which is a shorter distance category). So yeah. They have one in Austin every September. Maybe try for that one. I have a bike. Not the right type, but it will do for training for a while. I am not going to pine for anything that expensive for a long time, and even then I am going to try and get a good road bike secondhand. No need spending that much money I don't think. If I were a pro, maybe.

Anywho just felt like updating today. I think as I progress with all this I will post more. It's kinda nice to keep track of all this somewhere.

I am off in a little bit to meet my mother to watch my Bobcat baseball team play Boston College in the NCAA Baseball tournament. That ought to be some kind of fun! Go BOBCATS!

A little over a week into doing my volunteer hours and I am over half way done. Whew! The good hting about it is I am enjoying it. The people are great and it is wonderful to feel useful again. Staying at home (without a child) is not something I pull off well. Cats don't need a lot of maintenance and there are only so many job sites to browse and movies to watch before my eyes go crossed. So instead I find myself doing all kinds of activities at the local Goodwill. I have pretty much done everything but run the registers and intake of goods from people. I have made a few oopsies along the way, but they were minor and part of the learning process. It may not seem like much, but the activity has helped a lot. Sorting through clothes is actually quite fun, and I continue to find all kinds of gems. I think the possibilities are endless when it comes to buying things there. I continue to do the books as well, and some of the things there are amazing, and at 1 - 4.99 mostly a STEAL. It's probably best that while I am doing this, I cannot purchase things at the same store, or my spendthrift nature might take over. (Actually, since not working my budgeting skills have gotten so much better. The things we take for granted. Never again I tell you!)

A funny thing came to mind when I was doing the books yesterday. It may not seem funny to others but for some reason I belted out laughing. When people bring in any goods, we have to go through them to see whether or not they are good enough to sell. Recently the store I am at has had a surge of paperback books, so much that the shelves are overflowing with them and room for more is scarce. I was asked to let only the best looking books go through and salvage the others, same with the hardbacks. I have seen some fairly old books come through that as a book lover I really appreciated, but they did not want to sell. It's almost a little heartbreaking to let a 70+ year old book go out the back door. To make a long story short, I was sifting through the books and Farenheit 451 came across. It was an old tattered copy. I had to let it go out to the floor. The nerd in me could not help but laugh at the potential irony of ditching that book. If you know the book, you know what I mean. If not, feel free to ask (or read it!). HA!

I also came across a treasure trove of Star Wars books today. There were about 20+ I joked that the guy (who left his drivers licens ein a book for some reason!) was probably recently engaged and had to ditch his nerd collection. I told the guy who was working with me that I thought it was a travesty, but that my priorities are a little different than most gals I know. When I saw Matt's figurines on a bookshelf in his bachelor pad, well, that was part of what sealed it for me. :)

How about some more Goodwill tips?

• If you must get rid of your family Bible, you may want to go through it and pull out any personal documents or receipts. Lots of weird stuff is kept in bibles these days, it seems.
• No, they will not sell burned DVDs or CDs.
• No we do not want to see your home videos, I doubt other people will either (unless they are weird or digging for tapes for an Alamo Drafthouse screening) - especially the one's marked "XXXXX's birth." I swear if Matt were to film it, I would kick him. I have seen birth videos and pictures from friends and family and it's enough to make me want to ban any cameras when it's my time.
• No refrigerators either
• Oh and here's a different one - no live animals. Some guy had tried to take a baby bird home (we think) but dropped it off to us instead. He said it was injured. It wasn't, so we let it go. Weird.
• I guess the best advice I would give would be - if you wouldn't buy it or can't imagine who would, they might think the same thing and ditch it. So, donate wisely ;)

I also had some good news today. As much as I think things are bad, stuff happens to help lift me up. I received notice in the mail today that my pharmacy technician license is still good and despite the circumstances, I will not receive any disciplinary action against it.  I was not expecting this at all. I am not rejoicing because I feel like I have "gotten away" with anything. I haven't, and I feel it everyday. I do feel good because this makes the market for jobs wider. I had that hanging over my head for months, and was even thinking on it intently last night. I do feel that a higher power is watching over me (Mother/Father God, divine spirit) and steering me in the direction he/she feels is right for me.  I was htinkng the other day how much I would like to get back into pharmacy. I enjoyed what I did, just not where I did it. Maybe I can find a different setting and use my skills to help people. I loved interacting with people on that level. Maybe this is God's way of telling me "hey, you did this so well, let's get back to that." I am not one prone to conjecture these days, but I feel real strogn about this. I wil ljust continue on this path and see where it takes me.

So as many of you know, I put in my notice last week. It was not an easy decision, but after months of what was obviously an attempt to find ways to get me out, I decided it was best to get out on my own accord so I could get paid for all of the vacation days I had accrued and keep all of my benefits. I really love who I work with. I have never worked with better people in my life ( Amboo ranks up with these folks though) and it made it so hard to walk away from that, but I could not work in that toxic environment anymore. It became painfully obvious around the beginning of the year that my boss had plans on moving me out. I know ultimately it had to do with saving money, but I feel like she went about it in a  bad way. No one deserves to be treated the way my coworkers and I have been. Passive aggressive comments and behavior morphed into straight out aggressiveness. I had my intelligence mocked on more than one occasion and my intentions questioned. I am a hard worker. I am intelligent and I am not a liar, yet I was accused of being otherwise. I saw the writing on the wall and decided to get out on my own before I was forced out. I realize that, in this economy, this may seem like the wrong decision, but I can assure you it is a good thing. I will find something, anything, to help us get by. I feel like this was just God's way of steering me in a different direction. I just have this feeling I am going to find something that makes me happier, because ever since my boss started turning on me (as I can gauge around October 08) work life has been miserable, save the awesomeness that is the other people I work with.

What has been helpful are the positive comments and appraisals from those I am working with on the project. I have received many calls and emails saying many good thing about my attitude and professionalism.  It is good to know that others saw what I am capable of doing. I had a conference call today with our task force, and I was kind of regretting it. I had sent out the PC professional email stating that I was leaving and "why." I really wish I could express the truth on that, but it just wouldn't be right for so many reasons. The chairwoman praised me, called me irreplacable and nearly caused me to cry. My coworker managed to push me over the edge into niagra falls. It is rather personal for me, and I feel all teary eyed thinking on it, so maybe another time. She came in after the call and hugged me..::sigh::

No sooner than the end of the call the boss came in to give me some crap. It appears no one in this agency can receive praise without receiving grief from her. I just don't understand the constant need for power, control and credit. I do hope that no one else has to leave under the same circumstances, because it is just awful. I have my moments when I feel like a failure, but knowing that I took control of my fate away from her, it feels pretty good.

So..I guess...on to the future.

Last night was so much fun! Matt and I are great fans of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. I am not sure who is is familiar with the show, but it came out in 1988. I was about 10 at the time, and I remember coming across it on the Comedy Channel (that's what Comedy Central was at the time). I was perplexed, intrigued and it didn't take me long to fall in love with the show. A guy in a red jumpsuit and a bunch of characters watching and making fun of bad movies. I was a nut about the show. I joined the fan club, I bought t-shirts and wrote letters, hoping that they would be put on the show. Granted, I was young, and some of the jokes went over my head ("why did my parents laugh at that?" I would think sometimes) but it was only one of a handful of shows I followed religiously in my lifetime. After Joel left the show, I admit I was reluctant to keep watching, but I did for a while, until it got dropped. I didn't really follow it much after it went to the Sci-Fi channel. That and high school kind of got in the way. Then I met Matt. We started watching it on Wednesday nights at his place when we started dating. He had never really paid attention to it before then. Little did I know what I had unleashed! He became a little obsessed you could say. He joined all kinds of online sites and found ways to get DVD copies made. He even recorded them on VHS and transferred them to DVD. (keeping up with the "keep circulating the tapes" mantra from the show's credits). It was fun revisiting the show, and getting some of the jokes I didn't get when I was younger. It has become a staple of the Walajtys household. Whenever we needed a laugh or a pick me up, we put one in. Whenever we wanted to reminice, we put one in. We have darn near every episode of it on DVD now, and I even warmed up to Mike (Joel is sill my favorite, but Mike is his). We are consumers of Mike's new Rifftrax series and Joel's Cinematic Titanic. All this history made Saturday most special.

Matt received an email a few months ago alerting us that the folks from Cinematic Titanic would be in town on tour. We were estatic! We bought tickets immediately! I couldn't wait, counted down the days! I told everyone and anyone who listen all about my excitement, my history with the show. I think I probably annoyed so many people that they probably can't wait for me to shut up about it.  So last night came and went, and it was everything I had hoped it would be - and more!

I got all gussied up (you know, make up and such - which is a rarity for me) and put on some nice clothes. Matt was confused as to why, and teased me about it. He was sure I was going to be the nuttiest person there. But he was genuinely excited as well, although those of you who know him know he is good at hiding his emotions, good or bad. We got there pretty earliy and found a nice parking spot. I brought our favorite DVD for them to sign and I was armed with my camera. I got the tickets from him and ran in the theatre. Matt let me go first and the usher said "What a gentleman letting her go first, I like it!" I checkled and we headed up the stairs to our seats. I snuck some pictures of the theatre and waited. Waited. Waited.

Finally, it began. We had a great warm up act, a guy named David "Gruber" Allen. He was really funny. Kept saying "ok, we got ten minutes. Just ten minutes. Ten minutes now. Don't worry they'll be out in oh, what, ten minutes?"  Admittedly I was a little impatient by the end when he brought J. Elvis Weinstein out.  J. Elvis was the original voice of Tom Servo. And by golly I will tell you when his voice changed I was NOT a happy person. It grew on me eventually, but I was one uncomfortable kid when that first happened. Anyways, they performed some haikus and entertained until it was time to bring out TV's FRANK! YAY!! ( He replaced J. Elvis as one of the mad scientists on the show). I was very excited to see him, especially since I friended him on Facebook. Cheesy? Maybe, but to me, very cool. He did a song for a superhero called "Convaluded Man" Funny stuff!

Then, time for the rest of the cast! Mary Jo! Trace! JOEL!!!! he came out with one of those cards that plays a melody and did a kind of invention exchange he took the thing out that makes the music and put it in his zipper. "A party in your pants!"
Finally it was time for the show. The movie was "Dynamite Brothers" and it was an awful blaxpolitation kung fu movie. The only redeeming value it had for me was the guy from Big Trouple in Little China was in it (the name escapes me but he played Lo Pan). The riffs were hilarious, and there was only one obnoxious guy behind us that laughed and gawfawwed awkwardly at every little thing. I was expecting more. I think my favorite part was the spit take at the first n word in the film. I really was too in the moment to take mental notes on what they all said, although I'm sure in the coming days they will come back to me. That and I figure if you read this far, you probably don't want me going through them all.

After it was over we raced into the line. It wrapped all over the place. One o the ushers said he had never seen anything like it. I thoght we would be there all night, but it turned out we were pretty close to the front - I just couldn't tell where it began from my vantage point. I sat there trying to think of what I would say. I had it all etched in my mind. Of course, when I got close it left me. I figured we would go by, shake hands and be done, but something interesteing happened. We got down the stairs and a guy asked me if we would let a guy in front of me who was in a wheelchair. Naturally I said yes. I mean, why wouldn't I? I still get to see them the same. the guy came back and gave me two free drink tickets for another time. I didn't think I needed to be rewarded, but he insisted I take them. Why this was neat was that it gave me a little more time to interact with the gang. Trace was the first one in line, and he had stood up to sign the guys shirt. he then came to me, arm extended and shook my hand. Of course, I blubbed some line hello or something, and he asked if I had something to sign. "Ah yes, Manos, Hands of Fate!" He opened the case "where is it?" I didnt want it to get messed up, so I left it out. That and I was in too much of a hurry to find it. He signed the inside of it for me, and I asked for a picture. I figured, since he was standing up already, why not? So we took a picture. Then he said "Your shoulder blade --" Huh? It was the door "Oh it's the door!" I said " I may be nervous right now, but not THAT nervous. That got some laughs. I thanked him and moved on to J. Elvis. I completely forgot what I was going to say to him too. I muttered some words of thanks and had him sign for me. I mentioned how nervous I was and he said " Don't be - it's just us!" 

JUST us? I wasn't really expecting that really. I know idol worship is a bad thing, but man, if ever I was close to doing so, they were it! It was refreshing to hear it.

Matt was lingering behind me. he doesn't say things to stars for some reason. e says because whenever he does he says something really ignorant so he just tries to avoid it. But J. Elvis took notice and said "Thanks for being drug along to all this!" Matt said something like "Yeah, I'm with her." 

I guess I understand why he was quiet ;)

Next I met up with Mary Jo. I like her a lot. And again, I stammered my way through somethign like "I've been a fan for 20 years" and when she asked if I had actually watched the DVD I said "uh, yeah, yeah sat through it many times!, Uh thanks" Inside my head I was doing a facepalm. I moved on to Frank. I greeted him pretty warmly. "Wow! I finally get to meet someone who is a facebook friend of mine!" Really? Yeah! "What's your name!" I told him. I went on to say how I had left him a message on his wall "Today?" No, yesterday "What did it say?" I blanked. Froz. "Uh, Welcome to Austin" Eh heh. D'oh! Oh well. At least I didn't act completely stupid...I think. I wish I had asked to get a picture with the three of them. I really regret not trying now that I think on it.  

Last but not least. Joel! Joe, Joely-Joel! I was besides myself. Giddy and squeaky. "Oh my gawd" I gave him my DVD. I asked him how he was enjoying Austin, and thanked him. I really didn't know what else to say. I am so glad I didn't go into the whole "I have been watching you since I was 10 and you were one of my first crushes" bit I had imagined in my mind. I didn't wantto come off too much more psycho than I may already have at that point. I asked him for a picture, and he said "No problem" I got next to him and hugged him pretty tight. matt snapped the picture, Joel shook his hand and we were on our way.I held up the DVD as I exited and exclaim "Yes! My prized possession!!"  I was the happiest lady on earth at that moment.

Check out my pics on my flickr page. I am going to make sure and backup copies of all of those for sure.  Now I need to figure out how to preserve the DVD case. heirloom material that baby is! I know. maybe I am a little nutty, but at least now you have some idea why. Lots of good memories on account of that show and those people, and I am honored they received my adoration so kindly. I can only hope in the future that I can make 1/100th as many people as happy as they have and do.
 

So I was in church this Sunday and they were promoting what they call prayer healing. Prayer healing treatment combines focused prayer and a Reiki treatment. Reiki is a hands-on spiritual healing art, known as laying-on of hands. It is performed by a trained practitioner from the church, by laying hands on a recipient’s body in specific positions. The idea is that universal healing energy flows through the practitioner’s hands to stimulate the recipient’s own healing energies. Well, one of the practioners talked about how it changed her life, so I decided "what the hey?" I really enjoy new experiences. Acupuncture has been a wonderful experience, so I signed up for tonight's session.  I came in and was greeted by Henry. Henry is an older man whom I see all the time in church, at volunteer activites, he is a very active member of the church. He hugged me and said he was glad I came. he told me what to expect. I went and meditated in the silence until they were ready for me. I laid down on the message table and relaxed. He went over the "laying hands" part and proceeded to start the session. He asked me to make an intention to God, to state what I wanted from the experience. I made my intention known and we started. He wispered a prayer in my ear. It had to do with being grateful for the chance to experience the healing power, how we are already healed by the power of God, and that we are grateful for the chance to experience this connection. Not word for word, but the general idea. The session was for me and God, and us alone. I started to tear up. I began to focus on what it was I had intended, and it felt good. It was a feeling unlike anything I had felt before. Wherever he placed his hands I felt warm and tingly. I focused on my intention, and had rsome revelations. The feeling of love overwhelmed me, and I began to cry. This is extremely personal, but I am not afraid to share it with anyone who might want to try this. I have had a hard time forgiving myself up until now. I have had a hard time accepting that anyone could love me unconditonally, because of my mistakes and my flaws. The generosity and concern and love from everyone I have encountered at the church has made me come to realize that this is possible. I know a lot of my friends will say what they will about religion, and I respect that. But this is something I feel like was missing from my life. I cannot wait to serve this church and live this life. I feel like I can achieve salvation and accept myself as I am.

I am so glad I went. I was bawling at one point, but it felt so good. It's a good feeling. Right now I feel like I can face anything. It is going to be hard, but at least I know I have God and my friends and family on my side. I have to let go of the stigmas that society has placed upon me and my situation, and accept that this is part of a greater plan. It's becoming a little easier day by day.

yesterday was an eventful day as well. I had volunteered to show up a little early for Adult Studies class to help prep for the First Sunday potluck. No one was there when I got there so I decided to snap a few shots outside the church for my "spiritual journey" chronicle. I went inside and found a couple of people from the day before and helped out for a few minutes. When the study class began I met the "teacher" (I am not sure of the correct title, I know she has a designation as a Licensed Unity Teacher) and the rest of the folks, and they were genuinely happy I showed up. I received a study packet for the book. I began reading the book when I got it, but they seemed to bounce around a little. That's fine, I'll catch up by next week. It was an interesting discussion on Deepak Chopra's "Fifteen Steps to God-consciousness." We talked a little about the first step The kingdom of heaven is within you. The exercise provided is a way to remove the boundry between the isolated ego-self and the higher self. Basically, how the personal and the collective are bridged to make one reality. We are not seperate from one another, we are all part of one another. Ok, kind of like the Borg. I know it's kinda sad, but it's really the first analogy that came to mind. I think the part about removing boundries got me thinking the most. We as a society come up with so many ways to seperate ourselves from one another that we forget we are really all in it together. Love and caring should know no boundries. The other step we discussed really got me thinking. Step 10: You must be born from above. According to the text being born from above means a rebirth in spirit.  It gos on to emphasize that this rebirth is not a single event rather "spiritual rebirth is a process akin to the process that causes people to mature psychologically" It really got me thinking about what I have been going through. I feel like I have matured significantly in some aspects of my life - my attatchment to my family and friends, and my own spiritual growth. I feel like some of these have been rather spontaneious epiphanies, but in reality, if I really think on it, it has taken time for these events to occur. I really think if some of the bad relationships with other friends and family members - the misunderstandings, the less than stellar endings, some of the hurtful things - if they hadn't occured  I would have never recognized the signs and avoided entering into other bad relationships, I wouldn't have had the courage to finally say "this relationship is not good for me" and ended it. I also began to think about my spiritual epiphany. What was it that got me there? I can say that on a certain day I decided that "needing someone's help" was not a bad thing. I had tried it in every other way, why not recognize that I needed spiritual help as well? That was very recent. But what had gotten me here I think took many many years. I really trace it back to my decision to go to Grad School. Why had I gone to grad school really? That was a question I had asked myself many times over. In the end I had good and bad experiences from it. Towards the end, I had nearly lost it all. But there was one friendship I made during that time that has made a lot of difference in my life, especially as of late. Many of my friends have left me for one reason or another, but this person has stuck it out and provided me an example of how it can be for one who is devoted to a higher power. And now that I think of it -  despite all of the negative  things I have experienced, this was all part of a bigger plan for me. I believe that, and I am anxious to see where it takes me. It has been a long time since I was part of any aspect of church life, so maybe it goes further back. All I know is that I am here now, and I am glad I am here, well aware that there is uncertainty around the bend. I have gotten here, and I know I can face it and use it for good.

So that was just from class! The sermon was even better! We had a guest pastor who had been the pastor of the church a few years back. She was a powerful woman. i really loved to hear her speak and feel the energy in the room. I did find myself a little at odds with some things the pastor said, and someone else brought it up at the pot luck as well. She said she did not listen to the news because God has everything taken care of. We can do nothing (and she means we, as in in we doing things without the spirit of God in us) so, essentially, it was pointless for us to watch and worry. I guess it is that I am a novice at this whole thing, but I don't see what is wrong with being informed. I do watch, I do worry that people are going through horrible things because of what is going on. I know there is a plan, but I do not wish to go through life not knowing what is going on around me. I am probably getting it all wrong, but when people tell me they do not watch the news I get a little perplexed. I am not sure what to do with that information right now I guess.

We also had a band play - PJ and the Gospel Project. Equally entertaining bunch of folks. I really liked them. They handed out some free CDs afterwards, but ran out before I could get one. Perhaps next week when they play. If not, I would be glad to put in an offering for one.

The pot luck was also nice. They food was delicious, the company was nice (some from the day before and some from the class that morning sat with me). I managed to get one of the geraniums they had as table decor and gave a few dollars as an offering for it. Maybe I can keep this one alive! I am determined to try. I went afterwards and picked up one of the tiny display tables they has put out for anyone who wanted it. I put it on our balcony and placed the plant on it with a new pot I bought from Walgreens for 1.50. It looks nice! I may go buy another plant to compliment it today.

Well, another good Sunday. I am off today because of President's day. I was hoping to take another walk with Matt today. It is chilly out, but I might do it anyway. I was thinking that, since I am working on mind and soul it might be a good idea to work on the body as well. I have neglected and abused it for so long, it's time to start making amends there as well!

This weekend has been quite eventful and fulfilling. I was inspired to call the church on Thursday to see A: where to meet for Wednesday prayer and meditation (I couldn't find anyone the night before) and B: if they needed any volunteers in the near future. Turns out I had just gone to the wrong entrance to attend the service that night and why yes, they needed volunteers that weekend to help prepare for their "First Sunday" service. Oh joy! So yesterday I woke up early and got on my bike. Ok, it was windy and chilly so I went back inside and got a long sleeve shirt on, got on my bike (with helmet!) and headed to the church. No one was there at first so I locked up my bike and grabbed a soda at the store next door and went back and sat myself down next to my bike and waited patiently. Someone drove up and parked. Eventually a woman got out and walked over to ask if I was there to volunteer, I said "yes" and she invited me into her car with her friend. Her name was Deb and her friend was Tammy. Soon the Pastor drove up and we all got out and started getting some work done. Others showed up soon after. We began moviing things out of storage and into the church, trash or off to Goodwill. I helped move some things out of their kitchen into storage and a little while later, with the help of a young girl named Claire, we put together signs that said "God is up to something good at Unity Church of Austin" and placed them out in front of the church right off the road for people to see whilst driving by. By the end of my time there we got a lot done and I felt very fulfilled. Four hours felt like nothing! After many hugs and thank yous I hopped on my bike and went home and watched some of my favorite romantic/love story movies with Matt : The Whole Wide World (see it if you haven't, best on screen kiss ever), Sense and Sensibility and Moulin Rouge. An eventful night!

Today has been a good day as well, but I will get to that later once it's over and I can figure out how to post the proper sized pictures on here. The day isn't over yet!

So today was my first Sunday service at a church I think I may want to be a part of. I had gone to a church similar to the one I went to growing up, but it just didn't feel right. Not sure why, I think it felt a little too contraining. I cannot really pinpoint it. So I went searching for aother place to try and came across this site : < http://www.unity.org/ > I read what they were all about and decided that I might give it a try. I looked up Unity churches in Austin and whaddya know, there is one right up the block from me! Its a church that was converted from an old restaurant. Nice building too. I had noticed renovations going on, but never paid enough attention to realize what they were changing it to. It's not really a on the side of the intersection of my street and 290 that I pay much attention to. But, it is within walking distance, which I think is neat. Walking to church on a beautiful Sunday morning? I can see njoying ethat.

Anyways, so I briefly visited Wednesday night, which is really more of a prayer & meditation session (which is cool too) , so I went back today for service. I really enjoyed it. Apparently it was only the second week they were in the building, and many who were there were newbies like me. Newbies to the church anyway. For me, last week was the first time I had been to a service voluntarily in over 12, maybe 15 years. Sure I went with a friend here and there, but it was more for them than me. I would go through the motions, and came out the same way going in. Today was a lot different. I was anxious and nervous about it, but when I walked in I felt an extreme amount of calm. I planted myself in the back and the usher brought me the program for the day. I opened the program and the theme "God is up to something good." Appropriate, I thought. I think one of my favorite parts was the blessings of all faiths : "Our God is love, our race is human and our religion is oneness" She went on to praise all religions, heck she even included Quakers! (I discovered there is a Society of Friends in Austin, and they do unprogrammed meetings, which sounds interesting).

I thought it was interesting how they incorporate meditation into their service. We had a time for prayer and meditation today. Whereas before I was relaxed by meditaion, today I was full of emotion. As she began explaining to us what prayer allows us to do, I began to tear up. I could not stop. Unity practices what is known as "affirmative prayer." They believe that ?we don’t have to beg God for mercy or overcome God’s reluctance to fill our needs. Rather, prayer changes our relationship to God by moving us from feeling separated to knowing we are one with God. Prayer opens our hearts to receive our good, and we give thanks that our needs are already met. Jesus said to pray believing that we have already received". I think this is an interesting perspective. Check out more : < http://www.unitychurchofaustin.org/faq >

So here I was, in this place full of strangers. We had a greeting session and everyone was smiling and shaking my hand and hugging me and wishing me well. I felt so loved. Not that I don't feel loved otherwise by most friends and family, but something has felt like it was missing. I have had to make the hard decision to distance myself from a really close friend who is not right for my recovery, so it has been a little difficult lately in that regard. I also just don't get to see a lot of my friends and family as much as I'd like for one reason or another, so the physical distance puts a damper on things too.

So fast forward to prayer and meditaion and, like I said, niagra falls. It was a wonderful feeling. It was like my troubles, while still present, didn't feel so overwhelming. It's like someone had their hands on my shoulders and was telling me "Hey, I know it's hard. I know it's going to be hard, but ya know, I've got your back. We've got your back"

So yeah, it was a good day. I walked out feeling a sense of peace that I haven't felt..well who knows, ever? I signed up to volunteer, and they said they would call me this week so we could talk more about what it is I want from the church. I'm looking forward to it! I cannot wait to make a place for myself there.

So I've decided I want to try going to church again. I feel lost with everything that is going on, and I really need some support and guidance to help me get through it. I have thought long and hard about it, and I am hoping to find some direction. I know a lot of my friends, and even my husband, are not fans of organized religion, but at least Matt is supportive. I am going to try a church up the street this weekend. I was raised United Methodist, but I am willing to "shop around"

We'll see how this goes. I am a little scared, and I am not sure why...

I'm gonna keep this brief, as I am sad. I recently learned that one of my favorite kitties died. I have a pic of my last visit with him I will post here. he was probably the kindest, friendliest cats I ever knew. He was such a sweetheart, and I, as well as my husband and in-laws, are very sad that he is gone. He will be missed.

I know it has indeed been a long while since I updated here, but I do check on all my friends on a regular basis. For some reason I haven't felt the desire to put a lot of energy into writing down my thoughts, but I think that's going to change. It has been a heck of a couple of months, the usual up and downs in the path to recovery, as well as exciting new turns in our country's history.

As an overt and passionate Obama supporter who canvassed and phonebanked, I was brought to tears when he was elected. It's still soaking in! I found this interview about his faith to be especially interesting, even as someone who has not professed her own:

http://blog.beliefnet.com/stevenwaldman/2008/11/obamas-interview-with-cathleen.html

Thought you might like to take a looksie.

Things are starting to look up in all other aspects of my life as well. Job is going well, Matt passed his first two CPA exams (two more to go at the beginning of the year!), I got a bike for my birthday (early) and I finally quit my vices (with the occasional relapse, but minor), except for caffeine! It's a day to day thing, but I am becoming more and more pleased with how things are going in my life. There are the occasional setbacks, but this is to be expected. I am fortunate to have the support that I do. Now I'm back to working out to lose weight. I have had some trouble, and my doctor sent me to get thyroid bloodwork done, but I am not sure that is the cause. I think it's the absence of spark and motivation that loomed, even after my last exuberant post. So, we'll see. I want to make turning 30 to be a new beginning for me, opening the doorway to another, better 30 years.

Things to discuss!

I don’t post entries in here near enough!

So I went to the acupuncturist on Saturday for the addiction/weight loss issue. I was a little nervous at first, but I was instantly put to ease when I met my acupuncturist, Tomoya. He did the initial assessment, and asked me all kinds of questions. He managed to ascertain that my qi was stagnant, that my liver was a key pathway, and the things I was doing to my body was causing a blockage. He took my pulse in both arms and said that my right arm indicated that I had a lot of energy, but the left showed that my “life essence” (sort of like water for plants, he said) was depleted. So, I likened it to a car that is running, but the gas pedal is broken. He basically said we needed to fix that, and once we did I would be on my way to wellbeing. “You came to the right place” he said.
He began his work, and I kid you not, almost instantly I felt relaxation (he pointed out what I knew – “you have a hard time relaxing don’t you?). It was amazing. By the time I was finished, I was like jelly. I had to take a nap when I got home. It felt wonderful. I know some are skeptical about Chinese medicine, but I have become a believer.

I also started my boot camp on Monday, and WOW am I out of shape! They told me my weight (highest I’ve ever been) and BMI (I was shocked). I was taken aback, but I figured I could do two things with this information: gripe and moan about it or: do something about it. I am going to do something about it. I keep saying it and saying it, but that little bit of info really made me step back and say “hey, you REALLY need to work on this.” The encouragement of the instructor helped as well. “You are almost there, Adele”

So here it is: 30 by 30. I am going to be 30 in December, so my goal is to lose 30 pounds by December 4th. Totally doable, I just have to stay with it. Then I can get down to the weight goal I had set for myself at the end of grad school. If I lose the 30, I will be back to where I was then.

Yay!

Here is my quirky 6 meme (borrowed from amboo213)

I do not like having the skin between my fingers wet. It makes me uncomfortable. I always make sure to dry my hands completely before leaving the bathroom.

I like to put peanut butter on green bell peppers as a snack.

I do not like to wear shorts, regardless of the temperature.

I wear my watches face down. Face side up is extremely uncomfortable for me.

The smell of lilacs reminds me of New Jersey. No joke.

I have to check to see where my cats are before I leave the apartment every morning.

This morning was another lesson in reality. Many of you know that my husband has insulin dependent diabetes. Usually the low blood sugar episodes are minor and infrequent, because he has had it long enough to anticipate and alleviate any problems. Sometimes, however, things happen and things go awry. This was one of those mornings.

Typically, when his blood sugar gets terribly low when he sleeps, he begins to convulse and it wakes me up and I go to work. Usually it is something that is quickly taken care of. This was not the case this morning. I woke up to thrashing and what sounded like groaning. I got up and Matt was acting strange. I quickly ascertained that it was his blood sugar. Now, usually when he is awake and his sugar is low, we can talk through it and I know exactly what is going on, even if he is a bit fussy. This time when I asked if he was ok, something came out of his mouth that I could not make heads or tails of. The only thing I can liken it to is if your one year old was inebriated, and trying to tell you what they wanted. He was trying to talk to me, but only sounds and syllables came out. It was frightening. We went through the usual trial of getting him to eat his sugar tablets ( I always have to coax him, and ask him to do it and other fun events which I will spare you on). The scary part was after 5 tablets (each giving 15 grams of glucose) he was still speaking like that. He was panicking because he isn’t usually aware of what’s going on. But, as he was getting better and still could not speak he started to get scared. It got worse when I had to try and help him get to the bathroom and he fell right into the dresser because he could not move anything, he was too weak. I came very close to calling the ambulance because his situation was not improving.

He kept apologizing (it sounded like), but we finally got him back to normal after about a half an hour. It usually takes about 5 – 10 minutes. He asked me if this is how it always was. It is, I said. He usually forgets these things I say, but this time he remembered most of it. VERY unusual. He thinks he gave himself too much short acting insulin, but he says this bottle seems to be giving him trouble. Its this kind of thing that really brings me back to earth. I don’t usually keep his diabetes in the forefront of my mind. You know, its part of the everyday for me, but this really rattles me and makes me thankful we have it “under control.” I really didn’t want either of us to go to work today, but you kind of have to get through it and move on so it doesn’t control your life (more than it already does).

I am still a bit rattled, but writing about it helps…

